Idealism

"the tendency to represent things in an ideal form, or as they might or should be rather than as they are, with emphasis on values." Ok, ok, I admit it, I am idealistic. I don't know how else to be. I know that idealism has it drawbacks.....like being often disappointed in reality. I know that I bite off more than I can chew because of my idealism and then feel so totally set back when things don't go according to my idealistic plans. I know it would benefit me and my loved ones for me to be more in the here and now with how things are, rather than how they should be, or how I would like them to be. Thing is....I don't want to set my sights lower. While I do wish to get better at being present and being even more grateful for all the ways I am blessed, my dreams are so big that I cannot bare to deem them unrealistic. Once again, I am finding that what I need is balance. It's so beautiful and terrifying at the same time to realize that I don't have control beyond my own free will. I think finding balance is in part breaking down my goals into feasible steps, rather than expecting things to tumble into place in no time. The other part is to let go and trust that I am exactly where I am meant to be right now. My head knows it, my head knows what I need to do, but my heart and soul need convincing. I believe it in my head, but then my idealism comes clashing head to head with reality and I feel lost. Unconfident. Unworthy. Then I am in a shlump until my next inspiration comes and challenges me to reach for the stars, then the stars suddenly, after the excitement wears off, seem so far away that I wonder how I will get there and I go back to schumpland. The answer? I guess the realistic, balanced me would say to have that really high star as the final goal, and reach for the ones a little closer to the earth to start, to build upon, and then trust that I will be supported in my journey if it is where I am meant to go. Yeah...I'll go with that, but I may need some (many) reminders.