Memories, the Solstice and new beginnings.

This day, the shortest of the year, always seems like the close for me, or rather, a new beginning. It's not technically a new year, but I've taken to treating it so. It's a nice way to start the next year, with the return of the sun and our heart-spaces expanded. Christmas is coming right up, and I find during Christmas so many people are feeling generous, loving, and compassionate. Sure, in our culture we bump up against greed and consumerism too, but many people take the true spirit of generosity and are kinder, more giving people during this time of year; the celebration of the birth of perhaps the most loving, generous man who walked this earth.

I always think of what I can let go of with the waning darkness. Material and clutter, yes, but that is easy for me. It's the metaphorical letting go that hold challenges; the letting go of old habits, thought patterns and behaviors that don't reflect the light. It's been a hard year and I somehow feel that I say that every year. It's ok, though, hard=growth and I've had much growing to do, and I'm far from done. I don't think we're ever really done, but each year brings us closer to our truth and further from caring what others think about it. For this reason, growing older doesn't concern me as much.

I always wonder where the year has gone and then I put a "Wood family re-cap" together and I see just where the year went. I'm so thankful for my love of photography...it captures moments I might otherwise forget, and that I will cherish forever.

My favorite part of our year was highlighted in photos: E on the stage during his school plays and also for his piano recital, our trip to Minnesota to see family and friends and be in my hometown/state, grandparents visiting, family traditions, trips to the pool, celebrating with friends, seeing my 99 year old grandma who is currently not doing so hot, Halloween, Thanksgiving, both my boys' birthdays, and family time. Memories were made and milestones were crossed. I am so blessed, so proud, and so in awe that I am here yet another Solstice to give up to God and put out into the Universe what I am ready to let go of and what I am ready to let seep in to my soul like the sun seeps into the days.

Merry Solstice, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year  every single moment!

From our family to yours. 

My heart is bursting.

Six Word Friday-Happiness

Happiness: experienced in these fleeting moments.

These moments when my children shine,

and let their gifts flow freely.

Moments when the world feels magical

and beautiful, even amongst the suffering.

Newborn babes, need I say more?

Seeing children, full of pure joy, 

it may only last a moment,

and tears can come on quick,

yet there they are, happy-present.

And we know happiness will return,

again, and again, in the cycle.

Sometimes we seek it too hard,

and find artificial means to it.

I'm as guilty as the next,
yet we all know true happiness.

We know it's in simple moments,

and big moments, and grateful moments.

Seeing others happy makes us happy.

I know it to be true.

Giggling children, cooing babies, kind words,

jubilant dancers, amazing singers, loving couples,

whistling janitors, accomplishing a dream, learning,

all make things seem just fine,

if just for a fleeting moment.

For more in six, go here.

Gifted

Gifted. I believe we all are.

I have been gifted: two boys,

melancholy that makes room for compassion,

ample opportunity to rise above ego,

to connect on a real level,

food, shelter, water, safety, health, love,

pain that pushes me to seek

that which really matters in life,

ability to empathize, desire to change,

passion to find out the truth,

a heart so big, it hurts,

willingness to let go of heaviness

while letting the heaviness teach me

how to stay light without apathy,

I'm definitely still learning, always learning.

Whether you are gifted a voice 

to sing, to speak of compassion,

a voice for the many voiceless,

or an artist, capturing beautiful moments

and putting them on the canvas,

or a mediator, able to see

the grey areas that are everywhere,

or a mother, nurturing our youth,

a father, setting a good example

for the hardened men of earth,

a teacher, instilling hope with education,

a farmer, trucker, cashier, stocker, salesman

bringing goods to our tables/homes,

helping the sick, and the elderly, 

the poor, the broken, the illusioned,

whether you are rich or poor,

man, woman, gay, straight, religious, secular,

no doubt you have gifts that 

shine forth and that stay hidden.

We all have them, only we

don't always share them freely, openly.

Sometimes we can't even see them.

We need mirrors to see them.

We are those mirrors for each-other.

For more gifted, visit Melissa's blog.

The Birthday Boy (in pictures)

I hope all your wishes come true, buddy.

5 years (!!!)

To my Jorah Sai,

I only share your (and your brother's) name(s) on my blog when it's your birthday(s). I feel turning a whole year older deserves the attention of your beautiful full name(s).

5 years ago today, at this time, I was breathing through contractions as I focused on the Christmas lights through squinted eyes. They looked all blurry, and mixed with the roaring fire, it was cozy, despite the waves of crazy pain I knew were only bringing you closer to my arms. I rocked back and forth and breathed a little sigh of relief when our midwife arrived at our house. I was scared. It hurt. And you were so worth every minute of it.

Just over two hours later, you emerged, right there on the floor in front of the fire, the very same fire I sit in front of now and type this birthday letter to you. Your papa and brother were there waiting. We thought you were going to be a girl. You came out with a cry and immediately latched on. I was blown away by your tiny perfection. So thankful. So complete, our family was. We were so ready for you. I've never been so happy as when I have newborn babes. It's like love, in it's purest form. I now cannot imagine having a girl, I adore being a boy mom and envision myself with more BOYS!

You were fussy for a while, and then you became a chubby, content, little Buddha baby. You were so smiley and would go to anyone. As a toddler, you were sensitive and easy to cry, but so snuggly and warm and in love with your family. You preferred to watch what was happening from mama's lap and that was (mostly) ok with me. To watch the bond between you and your brother has been so special for me.

Now, at 5, you are coming out of your shell and stepping out into the world with humor and spark. You are still sensitive, you're body and feelings are easily hurt. Thankfully, you are also easily consoled. You are generous and state your love for us often, giving hugs and kisses galore. Your giggle is contagious and you offer it up numerous times a day. You adore crafts and are really quite good with your hands.

Those times when I was afraid for your health, afraid for your life, were the darkest times in my life thus far. To see you healthy and strong and safe is such a blessing.. You are so good about your restricted diet, so good about taking supplements, so good about eating your vegetables, you are just so good, period.

You state your feelings when you're hurt and your willing hands are always so eager to help. You forgive me every time I act like a sucky mom and you melt my heart when you wrap your little arms around my neck and breathe in my smell. I could just inhale you, little boy.

Soon I will wake you up with a birthday song and you will likely giggle and snuggle. I will give you a gift...a birthday book and a crystal wand and you will likely love it. I will make you oatmeal pancakes and you will eat every bite. You will claim that today is your special day and now you're 5! I will attend your beautiful birthday celebration at school and I will likely tear up. My baby. 5 years old.

I wish so many things for you, but mostly that you will be healthy, safe, strong, and content. You came into the world with a strong spirit that shines through to this day.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

(Pictures from today to be added later.)

broken

“Our brokenness is a better bridge to others than our pretend wholeness will ever be.” Sheila Walsh


I saw this quote on twitter today, and it's one of those quotes that sort of takes your breath for a minute. I so whole heartedly believe this. This is why I'm so open. This is why I share my struggles. 
I'm broken, and maybe if I begin to see and share the beauty in picking up the pieces publicly, I can lessen the shame that might come to someone else, even my own shame. We are all broken and so often we just don't show that side, because we're ashamed, we're afraid...afraid of judgment, afraid of failure. We help each other when we are transparent about our struggles. Pretending to have it all together serves nobody, especially ourselves. It's exhausting. And....sorry to say it, but it's annoying. 


Being human is just such a tricky thing. There is so much to weigh and balance and yes, I realize that not everyone analyzes the way I do, but this is my public process, so bare with me. When feelings come into play, many of us just take them at face value and react. Myself included. It's fascinating, however, to really dissect them. So often, their seeds are rooted somewhere else and we are simply triggered. It really doesn't matter if a person really does judge me or not, it's how I take it in. It's how I react, that matters. Someone else not owning their own broken parts should have nothing to do with whether or not I own mine.


My work is to come to a place where I do what is in the highest good, which I believe includes being honest about how hard being human can be. Part of my process is transparency. I hope to use my brokenness as a bridge. Of course I will strive for wholeness, all the while knowing that I am broken and not hiding it.

snacks

Sometimes, snack at our house can look like this.

Don't judge.