gone, going

I've been so sporadic in the space the past few months. With the weather so lovely, the life so busy, and an apparent need to be not only more present with my kids, but more inward with myself, I have neglected my writing. I can't so much say that I don't have the time as I haven't made the time, but in that I have no regret. I've made time for things like being present with my boys (we are now all out of school for summer!), working like mad in my garden-getting things planted and transplanted before I leave town, reorganizing my home and taking time to sit, sleep in, and whoop it up in the kitchen. It's good.

I am about to take off on what is to be the most epic trip of my life thus far. I'm finally making it to Africa. I've wanted to go for so long and just in the last year I proclaimed that I will go in the next few years. I didn't really think that it was so close for me and I couldn't see a way to make it work. After my husband moved out in January, however, I felt the need to create some positive change for myself in the midst of all the unwanted, uncontrolled change I was going through. I used an invaluable piece of advice I was given years ago, "if you want something, move forward as if it's happening,"  or a shorter way to put it, "act as if." When we act "as if" then we allow the space for the Universe to support it. If there are tons of blocks, perhaps the timing isn't right, but if things just flow together, we can flow along with it!
I applied with volunteer organizations and got accepted to several programs in several countries. My community responded enthusiastically to my fundraising efforts and the pieces all fit together when I was able to make connection in Zimbabwe and purchase my plane ticket to go there. I want to travel to many countries in Africa, but Zimbabwe is a place that I have some familiarity with. I have studied dance and music from there for a few years now with several Zimbabwean teachers, so when I got the opportunity to go there and volunteer on this amazing sustainable community, I was over the moon. I will be helping in the preschool, herb gardens, and with some HIV/AIDS outreach as well as studying music and dance via private instructors. I get to dance with and photograph the girls from this organization (that I adore) as well. Oh, this is a dream come true.

This has been an intense year for me thus far. My trip is exciting, empowering and validating to me that I am on the right path, but my pending divorce has been heavy. I've had to let go of the ideal of my family unit and that has involved a fair amount of grief. However, I see these new parts of my life and myself blossoming in the wake of it all. I prayed about it. A lot. I didn't pray simply for my marriage to be saved, I prayed for whatever would bring about my highest potential.

While I respect and admire any couple who sticks it out and works through the hard times, I am not of the mindset that every relationship is meant to be forever. While divorce can be an easy way out of looking hard at oneself and infidelity comes in to trick us into some kind of band-aid happiness, there are often other, deeper lessons that come from ending a relationship. I believe that sometimes we are meant to be in each other's lives in a certain capacity for a certain time and that it's ok. Anyone can make it work, but if we can't thrive, then are we really living up to our full potential? Thankfully, my children's father is solid for them. I have plenty of single mom friends who cannot say the same. I feel blessed that my children have a father they can count on.

In two short days, my boys and I will load up the car and hit the open road. Minnesota bound. I will have a few days there before I am off to Africa and they are off to a month long summer adventure with their grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles and friends. When I return to MN, we will have a few weeks there before returning to Colorado to our fully grown in gardens and lonely kitty cat. I will miss this place I call my home, but my heart is open wide, ready to take in all the experience of this trip that has been calling my name since I was born. This is big, friends. This trip, this life change, this year, this STEP. I can feel it. I am fulfilling some part of my life's purpose and I trust it will open the door to more. Wish me well.