Hiatus(es) and the swirling ball

Wow....talk about a hiatus. Not only have I taken a hiatus from writing (which isn't necessarily a good thing, not only am I not writing on this blog, but not at all aside from Early Childhood Education papers..), but from several other things. Some of them good, some not so good. With writing, it's usually such an integral part of my processing through things, but I've chosen to go inward. I can judge it, but it is what it is. Anyway, here I am, on my blog, ready to spill with no real direction.

2011 has been intense for me. Intensely good, intensely hard, intensely expanding. The more I live of this life, the more I am aware of the joy and suffering that inhabits each moment. It's like this mixed little swirling ball where the yin and yang are constantly dancing with one another. It is possible to be suffering and joyful at the same time. In fact, I live it. I am it.

I am going through a divorce, living on an income that does not cover all that needs to be covered, battling some minor health issues and trying to balance my life as a mother, teacher, student, advocate/fundraiser, friend, community and world member. I fail at rising to my best at each of these things.....on a daily basis. Yet I get to be with these small children who remind me of the wonder of the world and the sweet innocence that still exists within it. I have wonderful, understanding and uplifting friends who remind me that I am of those same qualities. My boys are adjusting to this new life and I am so proud of who they are. I was able to travel to Africa, a place written all over my heart, this summer and meet some amazing people who continue to inspire me daily. I feel the presence of God in my life and at moments am overcome with feelings of love and adoration. The sky is blue, the sun is shining, I love and am loved. Look at all that joy!

As the snow starts to fall on these mountains, and I struggle with all this growth, I find joy in life every day. I know that something big awaits me, I feel it brewing. I also know that things worth fighting for take a fight. My life will not be handed to me on a silver platter, as much as I sometimes wish that were the case. I have to fight for it, and I will continue to not live up to my own expectations of myself. I will suffer and there is no point in trying to avoid suffering. I can find solace in the knowing that suffering often brings about beautiful results.

Well, friends, this is just a portion of what's on my mind these days. I can't wait to share more. (and thank you to my two friends who recently asked me about blogging....it was what I needed to get back here).