Now you have that David Bowie song stuck in your head, don't you? I do. Catchy. heh.
My plate has felt so full lately and boy, I'm tired. I've had to take some things off my plate, like
making meals and keeping house blogging daily. Gosh, I even missed
Six Word Friday yesterday. I've let my laundry go and my meals be less from scratch. I stopped waking up much earlier than is necessary (during the week I dream of sleeping in Saturday morning, but here I am awake early). I am still keeping up on my
daily spiritual practice, I just made the decision last week that I would give myself permission to summarize, rather than blog through it every day.
The book sticks with a particular theme each week. Week one was 'discontent' and how it pushes us towards a better way. Then it went on to 'hope' in week two, acknowledging that hope is a spark, but that we must choose (week 3 was 'choice') to take action to make our hopes our realities. I am now finishing up week 4, and it was all about change.
The author invites us to look at who we think we are, and then let go of it. Easy, huh? ssshhhhhyeah....
If we are not who we think we are, who are we? How do we move forward and let go of who we think we are? The way I take it is that we let go of our attachments to how things work out, our attachment to our images, while still moving forward with the changes we want to make as well as doing our best to be in the moment and accept the changes that we cannot control. Embrace them even.
I've had a bunch of change in my life in the past year. Most of it has felt out of my control to an extent. Rather than going back to school full time in the photo program, instead I got a full time job to help support my family and allow my children to stay at Waldorf school. Instead of strengthening my family unit and moving forward together, I was forced to let go of that vision when my husband moved out. I'd like to be back in school working toward my degree and freelance writing on the side, but for now I have to let go of that and instead embrace my life as a single working mother. This can feel depressing, but mostly it's not. I've let go to what I thought I would be doing, who I thought I was, and opened to the gifts that my current situation is bringing me. It turns out that my husband moving out has opened me up in ways I wouldn't have guessed. This devastating change has shown me what my inner resources really are and my faith is stronger than it has been in a long time. As my children grow older and more independent, I am changing and moving away from
all things mothering. Don't get me wrong, my kids are still a huge part of who I am and my life's purpose, but it's time for me to step forward and feed my passions, while still being there for them in all the ways I can.
Amongst all the uncontrolled change, there is some controlled change. I'm taking back control of my health. I'm doing this daily spiritual practice to continue on this path of faith and trust and letting go. I am going to AFRICA. Yes, folks, I am blowing off credit card debt and instead using part of my tax return to spend a month in Zimbabwe this summer, where I will be doing HIV/AIDS outreach, working with children, staying on a
sustainable community, and studying Shona music and dance. Exciting. Scary. Life changing. Oh boy. Talk about taking a leap. It's been a' brewin' for a lonnnnng time. I'm ready.
Change is a call for faith. Change is growth. Change is the only constant. Change calls us to draw on our inner resources. Life is change. We are most alive when we are changing, as painful as it can be. Sometimes it's change that we resist that is the most beneficial to us. I'm learning that and I still resist, but am working toward letting go and trusting.
Blessings on your changes, and mine.
