She is a strong woman
who walks with her head high
and her heart open to the sky.
When she's feelin' it
she's got her switch on
and the energy pours from her heart and smile
to the world around her.
She knows it is God-given
and alive in every being.
As much as she wishes she could be always happy
she knows life does not work that way
and that off times bring necessary experience to this life.
She knows how confidence and faith
have a way of taking the back seat at times
and this particular 3 o'clock in the morning
is one of those times.
Thank goodness they haven't left the vehicle
But she prefer them to be driving.
Here she sits
in the place she has made her home
knowing it is under jeopardy.
Here she sits
knowing what good people are in her life
yet still her burdens are her own.
Here she sits
with the realization
that people are there
when it is convenient for them,
and what else can or should she expect?
She figures the sooner she can rely only on herself
the better.
This is scary for a girl who has always been taken care of,
going from her parents directly to a husband
and now on her own.
Here she sits,
while her precious sons slumber away in the next room
and she weighs what is best for them
vs.
what is best for her.
She hopes those paths converge.
Here she sits
wondering if what she is seeking
is for all the right reasons;
wondering if what she has found
is real
or perhaps she is convincing herself,
distracting herself.
Here she sits,
knowing she is too good to be bubbling away
on anyone's back burner,
yet allowing herself to do so,
hoping she will not get burned,
and expecting that she will,
all at once.
All she knows is that
these experiences are bringing lessons
that need to be learned,
and she accepts that,
even if they, at times, bring pain.
She is on her own,
and it is so, so good
and so, so hard;
scary and enlightening.
She hasn't felt this herself in years and years,
......or ever.
Validation makes itself known in this process
and she knows it's right.
As she is forced into many big decisions,
she attempts to drown out the opinions and fears
of those voices around her
and listen to the one within.
She knows we all have our filters
and triggers
and her stepping out of
mainstream practicality might trigger fear in others.
The 'what-if's' can get so loud
for such a sensitive girl.
She seeks those who lift her and believe in her
even if they may not agree with her.
That heart-voice will not lead her wrong,
even if the path laid out is bumpy and winding.
She has two sons to guide
and she looks to the sky for guidance
knowing it is only her heart,
and God within it
that can tell her what is right.
She knows things will unfold
in a beautiful, if messy, way.
Life is complex.
She is complex.
And it's all ok:
the sadness,
the joy,
the fear,
the faith,
the love,
the heartbreak,
all of it makes up this rich experience
that is her life.
She knows the only way out of the challenges
is to walk through them.
Here she goes.
